Dear Mr. Gursimran Khamba ji sir (not sure if they’ve knighted you yet),
You write open letters so well. You inspired me. So I wrote one; to you.
First things first, you have 11000 something followers on Twitter. How cool is that? What I found cooler still is your attempt to balance out karma by writing an open letter to yourself after you wrote one to a writer you seem to particularly dislike, and so many others you have a problem with. I notice you say something to yourself about an inflated ego, even as you constantly deride others, and oh, list your ‘achievements’ in the same breath. Must be a rather sticky habit.
Anyway, the point of this letter was to tell you I am a fan (even if a hugely disagreeing one). But I'm not half as eloquent. I have that terrible problem of a small vocabulary, and before I know it, my point will have gotten across. Damn, I wish I could go on and on and write some 5000-word super blog posts like yours. But what’s the point? I don’t have an
amazing set of followers, who’ll RT my post several hundred times (no matter
how insensitive this letter be) and start to crack jokes about you, just
because I do. I am not even half as pretty. I have what you call a BT brinjal
face, minus the glasses. And I’m married with a child (so there are no random
men adding me on Gtalk with pseudo marriage proposals either.) Sigh.
Tch. I deviate. I envy you. It’s so clear, no? Very few people have the gift of intelligent humour. You do. Mere mortals and mere celebrities don’t. Which is why you use your gift to piggyback them, and find stuff (inspiration is the word, is it?) for your insanely popular blog. You make people laugh with your writing; and what superb writing at that. As liberal as you are with your swear words, people draw double the vicarious pleasure of dissing those they can never be. They add so many ‘ROFLs’ (or something to that effect) and pat-on-your-back comments to every post, you think you are genuinely funny.
What you are, nine times out of ten, is vile. I’m sure you know that too, while you type away gleefully at your computer, things that most people would be terribly hurt by. All human beings (celebrities are human beings too, remember?) like to be treated well. That, dear G, is THE truth. Not swearing like there was no tomorrow. Not personally assaulting people and their weaknesses. Not packaging them as honest opinion. You are a minor celebrity too. And though you can blow this letter to bits with your clever words (you, of course, are the professional), this letter will hurt you. Even if the tiniest of bits, it will. Because it was designed to do so.
I hope you will alter your designs a little. Words are supremely powerful things. The only things, perhaps, people keep with them. You know that. You also know there are other ways to make people laugh. Pointing fingers is the least of them. Nobody likes to be told they are wrong. It isn’t funny. Try writing a (your brand of) humour post about the greatest of your fans. And you’ll see how they won’t be laughing anymore.
(P.S. Dear @gkhamba fans, as you will now realise that the phrases "no offence meant" and "in jest" don't mean anything, I am open to brickbats. #kthnxbai)