Tuesday, August 02, 2011


This is my 100th blog post, and for lack of profound titles (or perhaps a need for 'keeping it simple, silly'), I decided to call it 100. But the lack of profundity also extends to my life, and there's nothing I particularly want to write. But because this blog has been a great punching bag, a friend, a diary and a canvas among other things, I feel obliged to write this commemorative post. I should probably have waited till a wave of inspiration grabbed my gut and spouted beautiful words, but I am in a hurry. I am nearing the end of a book, and will need to record my impressions of it. This blog won't let me reserve my 100th post slot, so I've decided to write. And because when I am full of nothing else, I am full of myself, this post will be about me. A 100 odd facts, ideas, delusions, prayers, loves, and stuff about me in no particular order. This is who I am as on August 2, 2011 (aged 28 years, 11 days).
*Afterthought: I will also be able to throw this post at the faces of people (recruiters, I mean) who smile patronisingly, and say, "Tell me something about yourself."

1. I am editing a feature on laptops for Which? Right Choice magazine at Hill Road Media, Bandra. I know very little about laptops and am wondering when I'll get a chance to eat at the famous 5 Spice restaurant across the road from my office.

2. My current Twitter handle is @stormyaffairs. It's kind of corny, but I like it. Reflects my many passing fancies. I also have stuck to a certain DP for a long time. It's a painting of a hot woman from a vintage Coca Cola ad.

3. I like Chicken Chilly (or Chilly Chicken if you please) a lot. A LOT.

4. There is a picture of Lord Krishna on my desk. I've wanted to keep one for a long time. The picture is of the Madhava idol in the ISKCON temple in Mayapur - the place where my love affair with Krishna began about 15 years ago.

5. Jishnu, my son, is nearly two-years-old; his birthday is in September. 2 years seems like such a short-long time.

6. I have a Sony Ericsson Xperia touch phone now. Stupid it is. The touch feature irritates me to no end.

7. I don't listen to music anymore. Not as much as I used to, at any rate. The noise allergy got me when I was pregnant.

8. I hate telephonic conversations. An online chat for me, any day. Long, heartfelt emails, even better.

9. I seem to have developed a sweet tooth, especially of the dark chocolate variety.

10. And mind you, never ever buy me flavoured chocolates. Mint and orange and what-you-have flavours in chocolate are sacrilegious. I like chocolate-flavoured chocolates the best.

11. I wish I could tell everyone to not be parents, because it is one shitty job, but I don't/won't because I know all  about social pressures. I succumbed to it too.

12. I love the person that my son is, but I hate being a mother. I hate more still women who like/claim to like motherhood. But I know there are these virtuous, mother types and the world needs them.

13. Those who have their pitchforks out, wanting to ask me "What kind of a mother are you?", my answer is, "A terrible one." So, STFU.

14. My ideal weight is always 5kgs away.

15. I like gold rings.

16. I am aloof.

17. I am hardworking.

18. I have an invisible sense of humour.

19. I have no secrets.

20. That book, 1984 by George Orwell, has occupied a big fat space in my head.

21. Diet pills aren't doing me any good, but I continue to take them anyway.

22. Will I have another baby? NO. Not even if it means earning a few million dollars or finding a cure for cancer or achieving world peace.

23. I want to buy a house in Bandra, Mumbai. Any millionaires wanna adopt me?

24. I am terribly ambitious.

25. Dieting has become a way of life, because exercising isn't.

26. I have another blog. It's called http://fashionhaha.tumblr.com/ I make fun of people's clothes here. It is quite the opposite of my holier-than-thou Twitter persona.

27. I generally mind my business, and expect the whole world to do so.

28. Latecomers and stand up comedians irritate me.

29. Cooking isn't something I like to do, but if my son asks me for something, I think I'll oblige.

30. Reading is a great love, but writing a greater one (I think).

31. I haven't drawn/painted in a while. I miss it.

32. I miss flirting too. Marriage is a great social dissuader.

33. Cream crackers, IMHO, are stupid. Just as everything else that is healthy.

34. Viren, my husband, is a nice guy. Keeps me grounded.

35. I have the nicest in-laws in the planet. I am blessed.

36. I like Indian English authors, except that Rushdie fellow. Too effin' pretentious, or I am too dumb for him. Most likely the latter.

37. Vikram Seth, on the other hand, I could marry.

38. I could also marry Sufi music.

39. Jishnu speaks a great deal now. Makes adorable little noun-verb-noun sentences. He's been a quick walker, quick talker. I wish he were a quick all night sleeper too. Sigh

40. I like Hindi songs, from Bollywood. (You can snigger all you want).

41. I also like that Tender Coconut flavour of Naturals ice cream. The Bavarian chocolate variety by Baskin Robbins comes a close second.

42. I have no friends.

43. I am still addicted to Twitter, and for a darned good reason too. I've 'met' such wonderful people there. I wish I knew them in life.

45. I've been married for about 3 and a half years now. Marriage isn't as bad a deal as people make it out to be.

46. Destiny and karma and faith are all for real.

47. Anything to do with cult attracts me.

48. I like to study religion and cultures. I think it has to do with an innate human need to know why we do what we do.

49. Don't take me to a South Indian restaurant if you're trying to impress me.

50. Don't send me flowers either. I think they are a waste of money.

51. The only job I really enjoyed was the one at Pune Mirror. I still miss the place and the people.


53. I'd like to be a cute, snooty newsreader some day, or a pompous ass fashion editor.

54. I'll try to not do the deciding for Jishnu. But I'm afraid the obsessive Bengali mommy blood might be too much to cope with.

55. I used to smoke. I thought it was fashionable. I still think so. But I don't smoke anymore.

56. I don't thread my upperlips. I'm petrified.

57. I hated school and my younger fatter self.

58. I've studied in girls institutions ALL MY LIFE. Like from KG I to MA II.

59. I don't feel close enough to anybody to miss them.

60. The past is just that for me. How people remember small, insignificant things is beyond me.

61. The waist size of my jeans is 30. Has been so since I was in class V. The first pair I bought was a size 30.

62. I've had one monster of a boyfriend, and an angel too. And so many in between. But I married the sanest.

63. An occasional beer and port wine drinker I am.

64. There is no such thing as too many clothes.

65. I hate maths with a vengeance. Always have. Was a terrible student in school, much to the dismay of my parents. But I did win a gold medal in English at the University, and was second topper too in my BA. That was the greatest poetic justice of my life.

66. Achievement, in the traditional sense, means a lot to me.

67. I am a law-abiding, if indifferent citizen.

68. Cricket and most other sports bore me. I can endure a little football on TV though.

69. Politics, the state of this country, and other matter grave are too taxing for my little brain.

70. I regret doing that MA in Clinical Psychology. I wish I had stayed in the arms of my beloved English.

71. I have a good, shapely bum.

72. I wish I had smaller boobs, a sharper nose and bigger eyes.

73. I dread small talk.

74. Never done drugs.

75. I feel no love for animals.

76. Fountain pens are nice. I haven't written with one in ages.

77. I want to send Jishnu to army school for some years of his life. Rigorous army training make men, men.

78. I tried to write a novel once. I abandoned it; it abandoned me.

79. Sex is overrated.

80. I don't generally feel sorry for or give alms to beggars. But I did donate Rs. 5000 to Red Cross after the Japan earthquake. It felt nice.

81. I can have Maggi more often than most people.

82. Amitabh Bachchan and Daniel Craig are sexy.

83. I haven't slept well for nearly 2 years now. A good night's sleep has become something of a fantasy.

84. I don't respect money enough, but I want lots of it.

85. The only car I've ever wanted to buy was a Maruti Gypsy.

86. I do not hoard things, except maybe books and junk jewellery.

87. Giving up is easy. Things, people - both.

88. I could be mean to a person if it involves free chocolate mousse and chicken sizzler.

89. I am a non-practicing ardent Hindu. More so because I married a catholic, I think.

90. I am a practicing cynic.

91. I sing well, and a career in it would have been nice. But I never cared to finish my formal training.

92. I got my first Valentine's Day card and my first period at 13.

93. Umm... my one favourite movie is 'Meet Joe Black', although I can also watch 'Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam' again and again and again.

94. I heart bags.

95. But I am not a shoe person.

96. I chose the name Jishnu for my son. I heard it first in the movie '15 Park Avenue'. I found out that it means victor in Sanskrit. But one day, during my pregnancy, I discovered that it could also be a wonderful phonetic combination of the words Jishu (Jesus in Bengali) and Vishnu. A perfect symbol of my son's mixed parentage/heritage. So Jishnu it was.

97. My dad had cancer once. That was the closest I have been to death.

98. I cannot stand wet bathroom floors and toilet seats.

99. I love myself, to the extent of a superiority complex.

100. I love Krishna.


Nikhil said...

Agree with so many points there. About Gypsy, Maggi, books, reading of course, achievement. How long did it take to think up and write this?

Chaitali said...

Reading this i feel i still know you, and the fact that I still love you, probably always will, coz you still preach being true and honest to yourself :)
Sorry to say, but coz of lack of time, i rarely get to read your blogs, am glad i read this one!!

Akanksha said...

For no logical reason, why am i thinking that there are still almost 100 more things that u could write about yourself! And there's some ease which reflects in this one, dint think it was harder for u to write this.

twilight said...

Absolutely refreshing Urmi. I can relate to so many of these...telephonic conversations, flavoured chocolates, job at mirror, marriage, and so on... :-)