Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Thinking aloud


I'm suddenly on the edge of the expanse of my patience. It's like this unspeakable restlessness has grabbed me by the throat and I really am at a loss of all thoughts. I'm blank and thats the end of it. This thoughtlessness is stifling me. It's patience with my job, my boyfriend, my life, my colleagues, the fake in the guise of my boss.. everything in short. My only solace is in my writing. It's my substitute for physically running away. I want to run..run, run away to somewhere. Run away from my self, run away from everything I know. Not trying to reach thoughtlessness..no..not that for certain, but to reach a place which has the power to awe me, amuse me, thrill me.. in every sense of the word. It seems ages since I've felt something new. New knowledge comes across everyday, but they seem stale when felt with the same old emotions. I want to scream now..at the top of my voice...yet there are no words coming out when I try to. I want to jump off a cliff...a bottomless cliff...to keep falling, falling, falling. I'm oscillating between wanting to feel and not to feel... but something, anything. Help!

1 comment:

happy in my 40s(well sort of) said...

God I feel your pain.I also write to escape the harsh reality of our excistance.There are others out here who care and share your pain.