(Far) across the table

Have you ever measured a table in miles?
Or minutes, in uncomfortable silences?
They say a lot of things can happen over coffee
- they don't tell you a lot of things unhappen too.
In the incessant shaking of your leg
Or my excessive attention to the decor
In the checking of our phones
(which had no new notifications)
There was certainly a new story
but this time, of a dismantling
Was it the flavour of love, that was amiss in my cup,
Or did an infusion of blame make your tea bitter?
Were you really critiquing the cafe's bad service,
Or was it a roster of plaints of your heart?
For last evening I saw us measuring
a table in miles
and minutes in uncomfortable silences.

Sleeping beauty heart

Come boy, you need some straddling,

some kissing, some fondling

oh, that sleeping beauty of a heart

come boy, it needs some waking

Allow my words into your arms

I bring gifts of chains and whips

If you will let me bind you right

I promise you phantasmagorical trips

Come boy, look me in the eye

you need to be reminded of love

not the sweet and gentle kind

but one that is unsparingly rough

For gentleness is your bane, boy

the opium to your brain, boy

come, let me remind you

of the taste of turmoil, boy

Come boy, let me strip you,

break you, rip you apart 

until all you are left with

are dancing shoes and a naked heart

Blood Moon

There's a blood moon in the sky tonight,

that shimmering orb of desire

No clouds to challenge its call for sin.

There's a blood moon in the sky tonight,

Still echoing the howls of need

Of that werewolf of a man, who lay with me.

There's a blood moon in the sky tonight,

A lesser sun scorching my skin

In places where your mouth has been.

There's a blood moon in the sky tonight,

Scarlet from the blood you drew from my lips

And spat into the night not long ago.

There's a blood moon in the sky tonight,

Another throbbing rust-coloured orb

A fair breast smarting from hungry hands

There's a blood moon in the sky tonight,

A stark witness in my window

Of the story of lust, writ large in red. 

Need

'Give me 5 minutes of Internet, baby,' I beseech the web lords
They haven't been kind lately.
I feel like kicking the computer each time I try to surf..
"Frustration ka saamaan," I mumble angrily and log off.
But I am back again after a restless 30 minutes
I need to check on my social media jaanu... my many jaanoooooos
Has anyone wilted from my inattention yet?
Has anyone even noticed I am gone?
Are they seeking me, or am I seeking them seeking me?

...

Perhaps this is what loneliness looks like, fleshed out
Living a forlorn life, even with a man in my bed
I amuse myself by breaking rules.
Coke with rose sherbet,
butter chicken with fried rice
unsafe (mind)fucks with complete strangers

...

Love, love, love, love, love
What's love got to do with it?
'Everything!' I say one day;
'Nothing', I concur next
But grown ups should be able to do without
I don't want to grow up
Lovers on Twitter
Lovers on Facebook
lovers in novels
lovers in poems
real lovers, imagined lovers
Goddamn, this soul stinks of need.
*LOGS OFF*

Longing

There is a drop of longing everyday
that falls from the sky of your being
Small and sharp and brilliant
It catches the light and shines
defiantly, brightly,
searing the grey of every-dreary-day
shamelessly calling attention to itself.

There is a drop of longing everyday
that I must hide in a jar
in a cool-dark place (like forbidden candy)
There is a drop of longing everyday
that no one must see.

The jar in the cool-dark place
is almost full
It blinds my eyes each time I look
within.
A million little drops of brilliance
that have morphed into a sea of desire.
Viscous, iridescent, proud.

There is a drop of longing everyday
that I must furtively add to the jar
Fuel to fire
And close a hurried lid, afraid
my home will go down in flames.

There is a drop of longing everyday
that refuses to be quietened, diffused.
Small and sharp and brilliant.
Unchanged, since I felt it first,
A drop from the sky of your being
Right into my barren heart.
'Plop', it fell, I remember
Catching me, drenching me, unawares.
I stepped away from my body,
To stare at that brazen drop.
Catching light, so much light,
shamelessly calling attention to itself.
Scared, fascinated, I hid it in a jar
in a cool-dark place.

Since then, every day,
there falls a drop of longing
from the sky of your being
small and sharp and brilliant.
Diamonds from a heaven
where you are.

I'm running out of space,
I'm running out of time.
The jar won't hold much longer
There are cracks, and light shines through
even in that cool-dark place.

There is a drop of longing everyday
Bigger than the drop of yesterday
Drowning me, drowning all.

I will need you soon,
and your mouth and your hands,
to swallow this luminous sea
so the game can start over.

Ash

You perhaps do not remember.

But how would you?

You didn't see it for what it was.

A lipstick stained table napkin

I left ever so carelessly

on the table across which 

you sat, drinking coffee

Hoping you'd steal it, save it

as a souvenir 

from our last meal together

You also didn't see

my heart on your platter

So I put them back in my purse, 

heart, napkin and hope

And left with as impassive a goodbye

as I could manage.

Now all that is left,

Is a line of ash

From the cigarettes 

I learnt to love from you

from the cigarettes 

that remind me of you

Light, grey, warm testimonies of a high

that wore off all too soon.