Star Struck

A note on Nature as a canvas for mystical experiences

Nature and its infinite beauty is a source of constant wonder and inspiration. It would take a heart of stone to not be moved by her many graces. Some take solace in a sunset, some are roused by the rising and falling waves, some are moved by the mountains, yet others find comfort in the company of creatures. My muse is often the moonless night sky.

My earliest memory of beautiful starlit skies is from my childhood. Summer nights in a small town in Maharashtra in the 80s and 90s were extremely hot and often with long 'load sheddings'. I remember my mother judiciously sweeping and washing the huge terrace of the two-storeyed building we lived in, in the evenings. When night fell, we would drag our mattresses, bedsheets, mosquito coils and bottles of water to the roof top. It was something of an adventure, a happy annual ritual I looked forward to. I may not remember the conversations, but my 8-year-old self has never forgotten the sight of those starry skies as she lay on the moon-cooled bedsheets on hot summer nights.

We moved house, the MSEB got better at its job, the city smoke clouded the skies and the ritual was forgotten. Years later, when I travelled to the north of India, I was struck by the stars again. We were walking back to our hotel from a temple in Rishikesh; it must have been 8pm. My parents had stopped to talk to some people in the lobby, and I lingered on outside for some time...

Leaning on a car, I looked up and there they were. Those dazzling diamonds spread carelessly on the velveteen sky. I remember how striking I found the inky blackness of the sky, how countless and bright the stars seemed. The smog-laden city horizons had made me forget what lay beyond that dirty veil. I sucked in a lungful of that cold, crisp, clean mountain air as I took in that sight. It was a moment of realising the sheer largesse of the Creator and utter gratefulness for letting me partake of the marvel that is the Universe. It was a moment of perfect unity, clarity and beauty.
I still look up when I feel lost, or whip out those stars from many moons ago.

"For my part I know nothing with any certainty, but the sight of the stars makes me dream." ~ Vincent Van Gogh

Muses

(Image source: http://www.kolodzeiart.org/Bulgakova.html)

I come back to you. Yearning to learn. Wishing you'd love me like I want you to.
I want to think these lines are for me, but I think they are of a story - not ours.
A story is what we make of daily words, actions and whims. I wish you were a part of me. Something I could take out of my ragged bag, and stare at and dream.
You don't know it, but you have me in more ways than you can imagine. Your words surround me, as perhaps mine do you. An exchange of melliflousness goes on all day, everyday, unseen, unheard.
I survey the words you write, wishing they were your fingertips, gliding over my skin.
I wish I could sit by your feet and gaze upon your countenance, savouring every drop of honey that falls from your lips.
I cannot love.
I wasn't asking for love. I love you, the part of you I see from a distance. You are not mine, I do not wish to be yours. I am not worthy of such feeling, nor the passion that you bring.
I wish you would fall in love with me though. Over and over. Chide me, push me away. Guide me. Be my mother, my soulmate, be mean to me, perhaps even throw me into the fire, to see me come out scathed, hurt
and aching for your concern.
I wish I could be a lot of those things too.
I wish to be a moth, no I am a moth, and you are a source of light. I yearn to be near you, knowing it'd hurt so much when I reach, but perhaps that undying need might get quenched when my body and soul burn away into nothingness.
Say not such things, dear heart, for the mouth with which you utter these gems is precious; you are precious.
You might have to leave... Back to everything you hold dear. I shall let you go, I just need you to know that you envelop me with your deep red love, a love I took upon myself to feel. Your fragrance lies heavy upon every step I take, you are with me, by my side, your words encircle my senses every time I take a breath.
I love an idea of you. I hope you do too.
I do.
I hope there's a dull ache somewhere in your heart. That is all I wish for.
There is an ache - not dull, but sweet. A sweetness that will have me coming back for you, for us, for this.

(Co-written with @nelsonnium)